The Producers: 1968 satire written and directed by Mel Brooks, and starring Zero Mostel, Gene Wilder, and Dick Shawn. Max Bialystock (Mostel) is a Broadway shyster, taking money from elderly women to fund his terrible plays. Enter Leo Bloom (Wilder), the adorably neurotic accountant who points out that if one were to oversell shares on a total flop, one could make scads of money. They go into business together, find the most offensive play they can, and Springtime For Hiter is born. Of course things don’t quite work out they way they planned. Shawn is hysterical as the hippie actor who plays Hitler. And who doesn’t love Gene Wilder?
Reservation Road: 2007 drama directed by Terry George and starring Mark Ruffalo, Mira Sorvino, Joaquin Phoenix, and Jennifer Connelly (or Weepy McCriesallthetime, as I like to call her). Dwight (Ruffalo) is a divorced dad trying to keep his life on track, he kills a boy his son’s age in a hit-and-run accident, and while he’s trying to figure out whether and how to come forward, he’s hired by the boy’s family to investigate the accident. That was his fault. Phoenix and Sadface are totally believable as the grieving parents, because these kinds of movies are all they do. They’ve had practice. As Phoenix becomes more obsessed with finding his son’s killer, my sympathies almost switched to feel bad for Ruffalo’s character. The ending is fairly predictable. It was decent, not great.
Apocalypto: 2006 epic action movie directed by Mel-freaking-Gibson, starring Rudy Youngblood, Raoul Trujillo, Dalia Hernandez, and Gerardo Taracena. In a jungle in 16th century Mesoamerica, Jaguar Paw’s village is attacked by Mayan raiders, his people are mostly wiped out and the few survivors are taken hostage. His pregnant wife manages to avoid capture by sneaking down into a pit with their young son, but the rope she used to climb down is cut. So he must try to escape, run back through the jungle to their destroyed village with his captors in hot pursuit, and rescue his family before they starve or she goes into labor.
Holy shit this movie is so good. I’m dead serious. Mel Gibson. I can kind of understand why it wasn’t a bigger success? Mel Gibson. Plus, the target demographic for this kind of film is the beer pong set, and I don’t think they like subtitles. But honestly, it’s one of the best action movies I’ve ever seen. Mel Gibson. It’s interesting, good pacing, and the visuals are stunning.
Dogfight: 1991 drama directed by Nancy Savoca and starring River Phoenix and Lili Taylor. Eddie Birdlace (Phoenix) and a few of his fellow Marines are on 24-hour leave before heading to Vietnam. The plan is to attend a “dogfight,” the premise being they each show up with the ugliest date they can find, and whoever succeeds in bringing the ugliest wins a prize. The dates, of course, are not aware of the wager. Sounds nice, right? Eddie stumbles across an awkward waitress at a coffee shop and convinces her to go with him. After she figures out what’s going on, Eddie spends the rest of the night trying to make it up to her. It’s a little too predictable, and they show so little of ‘Nam at the end that it would have been better to leave it to the imagination. But it’s still cute, and Phoenix and Taylor are great.
Red White & Blue: 2010 thriller directed by Simon Rumley and starring Amanda Fuller, Noah Taylor, and Marc Senter. I’m having a hard time trying to figure out how to describe this without giving anything away. It’s a brilliant, fucking scary thriller; it’s totally messed up, and if you like thrillers and scary movies then you should absolutely see it. Just be prepared: the music is really intense, and within the first ten minutes you’ll see the main character sleep with five guys and take two I-hate-myself showers (there’s a point to it, it perfectly sets the tone of the movie and the character, trust me). It’s violent, but not overly gory . . . well, you’re spared the moment of impact anyway. Until the climax. No one is a good guy.
The Fall: 2006 adventure fantasy directed by Tarsem Singh and starring Lee Pace and Catinca Untaru. Roy Walker (Pace) is a heartbroken stuntman convalescing in a Los Angeles area hospital in the 1920s, and he befriends a little girl named Alexandria (Untaru), a migrant worker who broke her arm picking oranges at a local farm. Walker bribes Alexandria to procure him morphine so he can commit suicide (obviously she doesn’t realize what he wants the drugs for) by telling her a story of five heroes seeking revenge against the great villain Odious. The film goes back and forth between the fantasy world and real life. It’s absolutely gorgeous--think The Cell, which was also directed by Singh. The dynamic between Pace and girl is excellent; their dialogue is ad libbed at times, and their interactions seem very natural. It’s heartwarming and funny and sad and the ending is perfect and I want to watch it over and over.
Twelve O’Clock High: 1949 action movie directed by Henry King and starring Dean Jagger, Hugh Marlowe, Gary Merrill, and Mr. Gregory Peck. It’s early in the days of America’s involvement in World War II (are you totally shocked that I watched this?), and the 918th Heavy Bombardment Group is suffering heavy losses. So Gregory Peck shows up to kick some ass. He plays Brigadier General Frank Savage, who gets the boys in shape through discipline and orderliness and training and paperwork and long dramatic stares. It’s pretty good. See it if you like the Peck or WWII movies.
The Legend of 1900: 1998 drama directed by Guiseppe Tornatore and starring Tim Roth and Pruitt Taylor Vince. 1900 (Roth) is abandoned as a baby on an ocean liner, raised by workers in the boiler room, is recognized as a musical prodigy and joins the ship’s orchestra. Max Tooney (Vince) is a trumpet player who befriends 1900 and tries to convince him to leave the ship and see the outside world. It’s just OK. There are some really good moments, just not enough of them to keep me interested. There’s a showdown between 1900 and Jelly Roll Morton (played by Clarence Williams III), and that’s definitely worth looking up on Youtube. OK, and I know this is a nitpicky thing, and he obviously can’t help it, but Vince has pathologic nystagmus, which causes his eyes to move back and forth involuntarily. At high speeds. Dude has a lot of close-ups in this movie. It’s near seizure-inducing. I feel bad, but I found it really distracting.
I know, I know. I'm really far behind. I'll catch up soon, I promise. Don't worry. The five of you who read this blog will have plenty of reviews coming soon!
The Conspirator: 2010 historical drama about the trial of Mary Surratt after the Lincoln assassination; directed by Robert Redford and starring James McAvoy, Rachel Wood, Robin Wright, and Kevin Kline. Review for normal human beings and/or the average movie watcher: it’s great. I’m planning a more thorough review for the hardcore history nerds in the near future, so I won’t bore the rest of you with the little details. It’s very well done, the acting is excellent for the most part, the cinematography is beautiful. See it if you like historical dramas or are as rabid a McAvoy fan as I am.
Mr. Death: The Rise and Fall of Fred A. Leuchter, Jr.: 1999 Errol Morris documentary about execution expert and Holocaust conspiracy theorist Fred Leuchter. Leuchter was a solver of execution “inefficiencies.” Electrocution, lethal injection, gallows, gas chambers—he did it all. He speaks about electrocution mishaps matter-of-factly; seems more concerned with the engineering problem than the desire to lesser human suffering. He’s eventually called as an expert witness in a Canadian Holocaust-denier’s trial, and his methods of obtaining evidence and testimony lead to his downfall.
Leuchter is entirely unsympathetic, but fascinating to watch. The lack of empathy in his interviews is striking. This is one of the better Morris documentaries in my opinion. There’s this weird blinking on and off thing that the camera does that’s really annoying, but other than that it’s excellent.
Phantoms: 1998 horror movie based on the Dean Koontz novel; directed by Joe Chappelle and starring Ben Affleck, Joanna Going, Liev Schreiber, Rose McGowan, and Peter O’Toole. Zero exposition. The scares start at minute 4. McGowan and Going are driving along and then suddenly a bunch of people are dead and there might be a killer or alien or something bad. Schrieber’s glasses are amazing. So boring.
Jesus’ Son: 1999 dramedy (?) directed by Alison Maclean and starring Billy Crudup and Samantha Morton. FH (Crudup) is a strange, sometimes clairvoyant young man drifting through the 1970s in a drug-addled haze. It’s kind of about him working to get clean, I guess? Not at all what I was expecting (hippies). There’s narration that isn’t annoying, Denis Leary and Jack Black have small parts that are surprisingly well acted, and it’s kind of cute. In an everyone’s-on-heroin sort of way. I actually liked this a lot. There’s a particularly hilarious scene in which a whacked out Morton dances around idiotically to the song “Sweet Pea,” and since I’m the kind of person who dances around idiotically for no reason whatsoever on a semi-frequent basis I appreciated that.
Stop-Loss: 2008 drama directed by Kimberly Peirce and starring Ryan Phillippe, Channing Tatum, Abbie Cornish, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Phillippe, Tatum, and G-L have just returned from a brutal tour in Iraq, and are dealing with PTSD, depression, alcoholism, and readjusting to civilian life when one of them is stop-lossed. Choosing to go AWOL rather than returning to the place that emotionally damaged him and his friends, Phillippe goes on the run to track down a senator who promised to help him. I was totally shocked by how good this movie was. The acting is excellent (Channing Tatum! I know!), it covers all different viewpoints on the war and the stop-loss issue specifically, the pacing is good, and it felt completely realistic to me. Weird, right? See it.
Tideland: 2005 fantasy-thriller directed by Terry Gilliam and starring Jennifer Tilly, Jeff Bridges, and Jodelle Ferland. Apparently it’s about a little girl who’s essentially abandoned by her parents and creates this strange fantasy life that revolves around disembodied Barbie heads. I turned it off after 15 minutes. I’ve learned with Gilliam films that if I don’t like it immediately, investing another hour and a half isn’t going to turn that around.
Micmacs: 2009 Jeunet. ‘Nuff said. Starring Dany Boon, Dominique Pinon (heart), and Andre Dussolier. After suffering two traumatic experiences, Bazil (Boon) falls in with a group of artist-thief-scavengers and hatches a plan to take down the arms dealers who caused his grief. Totally adorable, as per usual. The Elastic Girl character played by Julie Ferrier is a little too much for me at times, but she evens out by the end. Not my favorite Jeunet film—can anything top A Very Long Engagement?—but still totally solid.
Flame & Citron: 2008 action-drama about the Danish resistance in World War II, directed by Ole Christian Madsen and starring Thure Lindhardt and Mads Mikkelsen. Flame (Thure) and Citron (Mads) are basically total badasses: assassinating Nazi officers and Nazi sympathizers, getting it on with femme fatale double agents, and looking hot doing it. All snark aside, it’s based on the lives of Bent Faurschou-Hviid and Jørgen Haagen Schmith, two of the most famous Danish Resistance fighters.
Don’t worry, this isn’t one of those uber-nerdy period pieces that only I and my fellow history buffs enjoy. I knew basically nothing about the Danish Resistance and still thought it was awesome. I realize it’s completely unrealistic to ask for a happy ending in these kinds of movies, but maybe just once? I really liked these characters and I wanted good things for them. But yeah, duh. It’s not going to end well.
Style Wars: 1983 Tony Silver documentary about early hip hop culture in New York, with an emphasis on graffiti. It’s AWESOME. Silver interviewed both well-known and unknown kids in the graffiti community, bboys, taggers, gallery owners, bystanders, and Ed Koch. Even Crazy Legs is in it briefly—you may remember him from such films as Flashdance (he was one of Jennifer Beale’s doubles in the final scene) and Beat Street.One of the best tidbits is a scene featuring the anti-graffiti PSA called “Make Your Mark.” The clothing is fantastic, the music is great, and I learned a lot. For example, the difference between graffiti artists and taggers, which seems obvious to me now but I didn’t know before I watched this.
The Thin Blue Line: 1988 Errol Morris documentary about Randall Adams, a man erroneously convicted and sentenced to death for the murder of a police officer in Texas. Errol Morris is a weird guy. I’m working my way through all of his movies, and so far I’m 50/50: loved Gates of Heaven, didn’t care for Vernon, Florida. I’m lukewarm on this one. The story is interesting, but the reenactments of the murder were overly stylized and a little strange. He does this a bit in Mr. Death as well, but it annoys me more in this movie. Nothing about what happens to Mr. Adams was very surprising to me, but maybe in the late ‘80s this was way more scandalous. It was just okay.
Bubble: 2007 “improvised thriller,” directed by Steven Soderbergh and starring Debbie Doebereiner, Dustin James Ashley, and Misty Dawn Wilkins. Martha (Doebereiner) and Kyle (Ashley) are friends who work together at a doll factory in a small town along the Ohio River. When a new coworker (Wilkins) is found dead they try to piece together what happened to her.
Wonderfully subtle. Soderbergh used non-actors from the town the movie is based in, and they improvised the entire script based on an outline only. Maybe I liked it more because I knew this about the film before I watched it. But that’s totally risky, right? Ashley and Wilkins are okay, and believable especially if you grew up in an area like this. But Doebereiner is the highlight, by far. Her performance is brilliant, all things considered. I really liked it.
Match Point: 2005 Woody Allen dramatic thriller, starring Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Scarlett Johansson, and Emily Mortimer. Chris (Meyers) is a former tennis pro who befriends a wealthy family, marries the sister, Chloe (Mortimer), and falls in love with the brother’s fiancé, Nola (Johansson). Torrid affair ensues, and becomes more intense as Chris’s marriage becomes more dull; but when Nola pressures him to leave his wife he balks at the thought of giving up his cushy lifestyle. It was decent, not what I was expecting. Better than Scoop, not as good as Vicky Cristina Barcelona, if you’d like to compare Allen films featuring ScarJo set in Europe.
Transsiberian: 2008 thriller directed by Brad Anderson and starring Woody Harrelson, Emily Mortimer, Kate Mara, and Ben Kingsley. Harrelson and Mortimer play Jessie and Roy, an American couple on a little adventure through Siberia. Because doesn’t that sound like fun? On the train they befriend Carlos (Eduardo Noriega) and Abby (Mara), a globetrotting couple that you instantly know will be trouble. Suddenly people go missing, there’s an accidental death, and everyone’s being chased by Russian narcotics officers. It was SO GOOD. Nice to see Mortimer less buttoned-up, like that episode of 30 Rock when she drops accent and freaks out on Liz Lemon. Lots of twists and turns. Also, I might love Woody Harrelson now. See it.
The Human Stain: 2003 romantic thriller based on the Philip Roth novel, directed by Robert Benton and starring Anthony Hopkins, Nicole Kidman, Gary Sinise, and Ed Harris. Coleman (Hopkins) just got fired from his position at a New England university after being accused of making racist remarks. So he starts sleeping with a woman who’s at least 30 years his junior (Kidman) and has a crazy ex-husband (Harris).
I didn’t like it, but not for the reasons I thought I wouldn’t like it. If that even makes sense. There’s a lot of jumping back and forth in time, which at first seems utterly pointless, and by the time I realized why learning all this crap about Coleman’s past is relevant I’d stopped caring. And there are no real links between the possibly-racist-but-look-what-happened-to-him-in-the-past storyline, and that of the affair with the younger woman. It’s like two separate movies that are both boring. There is an adorable little dance scene with Sinise and Hopkins, and Anna Deavere Smith (Nancy from The West Wing) has a small role; but those things weren’t enough to keep me interested.
Hoop Dreams: 1994 documentary directed by Steven James, that follows the high school basketball careers of two boys living in Chicago. Arthur Agee and William Gates are recruited from Cabrini Green and West Garfield Park, respectively, to attend St. Joseph High School in the suburbs, a predominantly white Catholic private high school with a very successful basketball program. The fortunes of the two boys wax and wane in opposition; as one does well the other starts to slip. It’s LONG, but worth the nearly 3-hour time commitment. It’s sad and funny and heartwarming and heart-wrenching and one of the best documentaries I’ve ever seen.
The Last House on the Left: 1972 Wes Craven horror movie starring Sandra Cassel and a bunch of other people. Who cares. I had been under the impression that the Torture Porn subgenre of horror movies was a relatively new thing. This is incorrect. Apparently I’d forgotten about movies like I Spit on Your Grave and Deliverance. An innocent young girl and her friend are held captive, raped, tortured, and killed by a group of weird people with unfortunate hairstyles. This group ends up staying at the house of one of the girls they just killed, the parents discover the murder, revenge is carried out. Super super gorey, not at all my cup of tea.
Harvey: 1950 comedy directed by Harry Koster and starring Jimmy Stewart, Josephine Hull, and Victoria Horne. Elwood P. Dowd (Stewart) is a charming, friendly, eccentric drunk whose best friend is a giant invisible rabbit named Harvey. His sister Veta (Hull) and niece Myrtle Mae (Horne) are desperate to keep Harvey under wraps, which makes it difficult for them to have any sort of social life. Fed up with his shenanigans, Veta attempts to have Elwood committed at the local sanitarium, which of course leads to adorable misadventures. It’s a really cute movie. I like Stewart in every movie I’ve seen him in. I think a lesser actor could have pushed Elwood’s drunk aloofness to an intolerable place, but Stewart nails it, as always.
Battlefield Earth: 2001 sci-fi based on the novel by L. Ron Hubbard (duh), directed by Roger Christian and starring John Travolta, Forest Whitaker, and Barry Pepper. It’s the year 3000, and Earth is under the rule of the Psychlos (such a clever name), a race of neon green liquid-drinking, dreadlocked, huge-handed aliens who dress like it’s Industrial Night at the local dance club. Humans have reverted to their hunter-gatherer roots and do their best to avoid the aliens, who frequently enslave the humans to man their mining operations. Barry Pepper leads a revolt after reading an ancient text called the Declaration of Independence. Not hard to figure out what happens from there. This movie is so bad. I often like really terrible movies (Starship Troopers, for example), but Travolta pretty much ruined the whole thing for me. If he were just slightly less annoying I would have been all over it. But damn if Pepper isn’t just as sincere and honest as he could be in this ridiculous mess of a movie.
Descent: 2007 thriller directed by Talia Lugacy and starring Rosario Dawson and Chad Faust (the pleasant gay boyfriend in Saved). Maya (Dawson) is date raped by Jared (Faust) and tries to heal herself by working a crappy retail job and hanging out with DJs. This is a terrible movie. It’s awful. I’m gonna go ahead and spoil it for you, because I highly recommend you never see this: she gets her DJ friend to rape and torture her rapist. That’s how the movie ends. She lures him on a second date, and gets her revenge. That’s it. Nothing after that. We don’t see how she gets on with her life, or what happens to Jared; the movie simply ends. Just . . . no. OK? No.
The single redeeming thing is that Dawson is actually really great in it, considering what she has to work with. Which is huge in my book, because I’m trying really hard to get past my irrational dislike of her.
The City of Lost Children: 1995 French fantasy directed by Marc Caro and Jean-Pierre Jeunet and starring Ron Perlman, Judith Vittet, Daniel Emilfork, and Dominique Pinon. There’s a lot going on here, but I’ll try to sum up. One (Perlman) is a circus performer whose adopted little brother is kidnapped by Krank (Emilfork) and his bizarre evil scientist family so they can steal the boy’s dreams. One enlists the help of adorable street urchin Miette (Vittet) to get his brother back. See everything Jeunet has ever done. I mean it. The man is brilliant. I haven’t seen all of his movies yet, but I’ve loved the ones I have seen:Amelie, A Very Long Engagement, and this. My tolerance for whimsy is very low, but there’s something about his movies that’s whimsical and not at all precious.
The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert: 1994 Australian dramedy directed by Stephan Elliot and starring Guy Pearce, Hugo Weaving, and Terence Stamp. Three drag queens on a vision quest through the Australian Outback? OF COURSE I liked it. This movie manages to cover both stereotypical and less-common issues in the LGBT community without being too preachy (I think, anyway). And I've been friends with at least one Adam (Pearce) in my life: uber-bitchy, semi-cruel, mildly obnoxious, and the most fun to be around. Not to name names. Bryan. It’s obvious at times, and often ridiculous, but who cares? It’s adorable. It’s fun. It’s To Wong Foo in Australia. Loved it.
Play Misty for Me: 1971 thriller directed by and starring Clint Eastwood, with Jessica Walter (Lucille on “Arrested Development”) and Donna Mills. Dave Garver (Eastwood) is a late night DJ for a jazz radio station who is trying to get back together with the girlfriend he cheated on (Mills). But that doesn’t stop him from having a little fling with his number one fan, Evelyn Draper (Walter), who of course turns out to be totally nuts. I enjoyed how epically ‘70s it was, and it was definitely entertaining, but I had a very hard time mustering sympathy for Garver. His stalker’s moves were totally predictable, but his weren’t. At every turn he does the exact opposite of the sane thing to do. He keeps letting her back into his life, and his interactions with the police are ludicrous. Yeah, let’s get pissy with the detective who’s trying to save your ass. Dipshit.
Easy A: 2010 teen comedy directed by Will Gluck and starring Emma Stone, Penn Badgley, and Amanda Bynes. Olive (Stone) tells a little white lie to her best friend that travels the gossip grapevine and turns her into the school slut overnight. This snowballs into helping various guys at her school gain a better reputation by pretending to have sex with her, which garners her the attention of a group of overzealous Christian teens, led by Marianne (Bynes). She also manages to catch the eye of a former crush, Todd (Badgley); but is he interested in her for her or for her notoriety?
It’s super cute. Lots of intentional nods to John Hughes, an irrelevant but satisfying song-and-dance number, ridiculous ensembles. Amanda Bynes doesn’t do the Christian cheerleader thing quite as well as Mandy Moore in Saved (yes, I’m referencing that movie again, it’s also cute if a little heavy-handed at times, you should see it, Macaulay Culkin is great in it). But other than that the acting is really goodfor a teen movie.
Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead: 2011 documentary by Joe Cross. Cross is an Australian businessman and filmmaker who decides to turn his life and poor health around by embarking on a juice fast and cross-country trip across America. On the way, he meets a truck driver who has similar ailments, and who later calls on him for assistance in his own juice fast. I liked it okay, in the same way I like “Biggest Loser.” Both men are very charming, and they don’t push their agenda too hard on the people they talk to about fasting. There are some cartoon interludes during the narration that weren’t my cup of tea, but it wasn’t super annoying.
Sidenote: I ate a beef brisket sandwich while watching this movie. And it was delicious.
The Last Rites of Ransom Pride: 2010 B-Western directed by Tiller Russell and starring Lizzy Caplan, Dwight Yoakam, and Jon Foster. Ransom Pride (played by the oh-so-delicious Scott Speedman) is dead, and his former-prostitute/current-badass widow (Caplan) has promised to bring his body back from Mexico to be buried alongside his mother. She enlists the help of his brother Champ (Foster), much to the chagrin of his drunk preacher father, Early (Yoakam). Jason Priestly, the amazing Peter Dinklage, and Kris Kristofferson also have smaller roles. It’s just great. If you like bad action movies or bad westerns or Dwight Yoakam you should totally see it.
Shampoo: 1975 satire directed by Hal Ashby and starring Warren Beatty, Goldie Hawn, and Julie Christie. George (Beatty) is a womanizing hairdresser in Beverly Hills, who is trying to juggle the women he’s womanizing, raise capital to start his own salon, and dress the hell out of some ‘70s hair. It’s the most depressing comedy I’ve ever seen. I’m not sure I can say I disliked it. But I might have disliked it.
The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T: No, it’s not porn. Nor is it a sequel to Dr. T & The Women. It’s a 1953 children’s musical written by Dr. Seuss, directed by Roy Rowland, and starring Tommy Rettig, Mary Healy, and Peter Lind Hayes. Bart (Rettig) hates practicing the piano. He dozes off and has a totally crazy dream about being trapped by an evil piano teacher in a totally crazy Seussian world. It’s one of those movies that I probably would have liked more if I’d seen it as a kid. I imagine that a lot of children could relate to this movie, but not me. I really liked my piano teacher. Mrs. Blonek was awesome.
Rewatch! Hackers: 1995 thriller directed by Iain Softley and starring Johnny Lee Miller, Angelina Jolie, Matthew Lillard, and Fisher Stevens. A corporate jerk is trying to embezzle millions of dollars and blame it on innocent hackers. So the hackers unite to take down The Man. Also involves Marc Anthony at his scrawniest, a very young Jesse Bradford, Penn Jillette, and Lorraine Brocco. I hadn’t seen this movie in a really long time, and it totally holds up. It’s hysterical. Totally '90s in the best possible, dated way.
I watched even more movies than usual this month, due to various happenings: a mild hangover, an extremely lazy Sunday, a few more days off work than usual, the strong desire to do anything except clean my apartment, etc. So I’ve broken July’s reviews into two posts.
The Wizard: 1989 “adventure dramedy” directed by Todd Holland and starring Fred Savage, Jenny Lewis, Luke Edwards, Christian Slater, and Beau Bridges (in the time before his eyebrows fully took over the upper half of his face). Jimmy (Edwards) develops an unnamed mental disorder after the death of his twin, and his mom and step-dad are thinking about sending him to a home for disabled children. His brother Corey (Savage) decides this is totally bogus and busts him out. They head west, realize that Jimmy’s a video game savant, and befriend a cute runaway with a mommish haircut (Lewis). The trio decide to put Jimmy in the “Video Armageddon” tournament to win a huge cash prize and prove that Jimmy is still mentally with it. The mom hires a private detective to track the kids down, and the father and other brother (Bridges & Slater) set out to find them before the P.I. does. It is a story of adventure, redemption, and the Nintendo Entertainment System. There is gratuitous product placement, including use of the Power Glove, and dammit, that’s just fine with me. In the words of their nemesis Lucas Barton: “I love to Glove.”
The Magnificent Ambersons: 2002 TV movie (I should have known!) remake of the original 1942 Orson Welles film that was supposedly more faithful to his script and editing notes. Directed by Alfonso Arau, and starring Madeleine Stowe, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Bruce Greenwood, and Gretchen Mol. It was intolerable. Rhys Meyers was just awful. I love him, but he cannot pull off bratty. I turned it off after 30 minutes, a-feared I would die of boredom.
The Good Shepherd: 2006 thriller about the birth of the CIA, directed by Robert De Niro and starring Matt Damon, Angelina Jolie, and a bunch of other awesome people. A tale of rich white dudes running the country behind the scenes, not trusting anyone, killing enemies and friends who know too much. It’s good, but pretty much a total bummer.
Centurion: 2010 Neil Marshall action film about the famous Lost Ninth Legion of Caledonia starring Michael Fassbender (purr), Dominic West, and Olga Kurylenko. The Romans are inhabiting the Scottish Highlands and fighting the Picts. The Ninth Legion is sent out to do some more fighting with some more Picts when they’re betrayed by their mute guide, Etain. The few raggedy survivors now have to avoid the Picts, rescue their captured general, and return safely to Roman territory. All whilst being hunted by Etain and her band of merry mercenaries. It’s pretty gory (apparently Picts had flesh so soft that it exploded on impact), and fairly predictable. But I liked that at no point was there a romance angle with Etain and anyone. She’s just a pissed off Pict (you’d be angry if someone cut your tongue off, too) who’s out to kill dudes, and has no time for longing glances and seducements. It’s fluffy but good. I’d recommend, if you’re into this kind of thing. Or if you enjoy the Fassbender.
Persuasion: 2007 PBS movie based on the Jane Austen novel, starring Sally Hawkins and Rupert Penry-Jones. Anne was engaged to Frederick when they were young, but due to the mores of Edwardian society regarding status and money she broke off the engagement. Now she’s approaching Old Maid territory (unmarried at 27! The scandal!). Frederick went off and made a fortune in the navy, and now he’s back in town, looking all dapper in his frock coat. Can he forgive Anne for breaking his heart?
As an Austen adaptation goes, it’s awesome. I love Hawkins (have you seen Happy Go Lucky? Because it’s adorable and she’s adorable in it and you should). I love all this stuff. If you are also into this stuff,definitely see it.
Class of 1984: 1982 Mark L. Lester action thriller, starring Perry King, Roddy McDowall, Timothy Van Patten, and a young Michael J. Fox. Andrew Norris (King) is an optimistic teacher who’s just transferred to a school with a serious disciplinary problem. It’s essentially run by a gang of punks who deal drugs, pimp, fight, and use copious amounts of hairspray. But Norris is going to turn things around. He’s going to fight and win. With classical music! Turns out the gang leader is actually a talented pianist. Sadly, Norris doesn’t allow him to join the band. So the gang goes totally shithouse and starts killing, raping, destroying lives.
It’s completely over the top. Ludicrous. I don’t know if I would say I liked it, necessarily, but it was definitely entertaining. The best part was watching the behind-the-scenes snippets in the Special Features, because Lester kept saying how this was a clarion call to the public about the state of our schools. Stuff like this happens every day! The massacre of lab animals! If we had just listened to the warnings set forth in this movie! If he honestly set out to shine a light on the evils lurking in our public schools, maybe he should have reeled it in just a touch. It was so outlandish as to be campy. So entertaining, but not educational. Oooh, see what I did there? WORD PLAY.
Super 8: 2011 sci-fi J.J. Abrams film, produced by Spielberg and starring Elle Fanning, Joel Courtney, and Kyle Chandler. Joe (Courtney) and his friends are making a zombie movie when they witness a train derailing which turns out to be part of a government conspiracy. Someone made the comparison of it being like The Goonies crossed with E.T. I can’t remember who said that, but it’s dead-on.
It’s unabashedly Spielbergian, but that’s okay. The acting is excellent all around (I’m always impressed by child actors who can be convincing instead of just cute), and the special effects are outstanding. I loved it. That pyromaniac kid in the braces (played by Ryan Lee) made the movie for me.
All Good Things: 2010 mystery directed by Andrew Jarecki and starring Ryan Gosling and Kirsten Dunst. David Marks (Gosling) is the son of a powerful NYC real estate mogul who just wants to run an organic market with his girlfriend Katie (Dunst). When he caves to real pressure from his father (Frank Langella) and perceived pressure from Katie and takes up the family mantle, his life starts to slowly unravel. He’s terrible at his job, there are misunderstandings in his marriage, and, oh yeah, he’s clearly schizophrenic. Katie goes missing, he goes into hiding after being questioned by the cops, and then shit gets weird.
It was just all right. The movie was based on the life of Robert Durst, and is pretty close to the real deal. Which is messed up. I don’t know. I thought reading about Durst was more interesting than the movie.
The Battleship Potemkin: 1925 silent Russian propaganda film directed by Sergei Eisenstein. The crewmen of the Potemkin are sick of eating borscht or whatever, so they overthrow their cruel superiors and in doing so endear themselves to the people of Odessa. It’s an important film, thought of by many as the finest propaganda film ever made (eat your heart out, Riefenstahl), one of the best silents ever made, historically and culturally significant, the Odessa Stairs scene is iconic bla bla bla. I’m not a fan of silents. I mostly watch them because I feel like I should. They are the Brussels sprouts of my movie diet, if you will. But I’ll admit this is close to the top of the list for me.
My Left Foot: 1989 biopic directed by Jim Sheridan and starring Daniel Day-Lewis, Brenda Fricker (the mom in So I Married an Axe-Murderer), Ray McAnally, and Fiona Shaw (the muggle aunt in Harry Potter). I put off watching this movie for over a month. Every night I would come home from work and find it staring at me from atop the DVD player, and every night I would ignore it because I wanted to watch something fluffy and mindless and I figured this would be unspeakably sappy and depressing. I should have known that DDL would never associate with himself with anything that’s less than spectacular (you shut your mouth, Gangs of New York is an excellent movie).
The movie is based on the life of Christy Brown, a man born with cerebral palsy in the 1930s to a large working-class family in Ireland. It’s heartwarming and at times the tiniest bit sappy, but never depressing. Brown is a scrappy, funny SOB and his antics keep the film from being saccharine.
Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Pt. 2: 2011 finale to the awesome movie series. I love these movies. I decided early on not to read any of the books until all of the movies had come out lest my happy feelings towards the movies diminish. So I had no idea what was going to happen. It was a nice ending to it all, but definitely not my favorite in the series. My two favorite characters didn’t die, so that was good.
Kidulthood: 2006 British drama that follows two days in the lives of a group of London teens. It’s like Thirteen or Kids but British. There’s suicide, fighting, drug use, awkward casual sex, popularity contests, pregnancy. The standard totally sad stuff. I practically needed a slang dictionary; I only picked up about 75% of the dialogue. I didn’t realize they were saying the word “blood” until like halfway through the movie. Clearly I’m not up on my London teen-speak. It’s good, just sad in the way that most teen dramas make one feel sad. I liked that the ending leaves some things unresolved.
That’s Dancing: 1985 documentary about the history of dance on film, specifically the MGM musical. I’m a sucker for dance and/or musical retrospectives. In this one we see Gene Kelly talking about breakdancing and ragging on chubby chorus girls, and Ray Bolger without a scarecrow costume on (which is weird). I liked it, but that was to be expected. I like anything involving Gene Kelly. Except Xanadu.
Valhalla Rising:2009 thriller(?) by Nicolas Winding Refn, with Mads Mikkelsen and Maarten Stevenson.In 1000 A.D., a one-eyed mute warrior (Mads—how bitchin’ is that name?) is held captive by Scottish Highlanders and forced to fight to the death against other captives in some sort of medieval Thunderdome-esque situation.One-Eye kicks ass (figuratively and literally), gains his freedom, befriends a boy named Are, and falls in with a group of would-be Crusaders trying to reach Jerusalem.And then things get weird.
I liked it a lot, even though it was ridiculously gory and I was thoroughly confused by the ending.It’s a bit slow at times, but not plodding.
Elephant:2003 Gus Van Sant drama starring John Robinson, Alex Frost, and Eric Deulen.The second film in Van Sant’s “Death Trilogy,” (I totally added Gerry and Last Days to my Netflix queue), it’s a school shooting brought all too vividly to life; told in overlapping vignettes from the point of view of several main characters.I seriously can’t even talk about this. It was brilliant and beautiful and gut-wrenching and I cried a lot.Not only during the shooting, but also because of just how accurate the day-to-day crap of teenage life is portrayed.DAMN.Like, if you went to public high school in the United States in the ‘90s or ‘00s, you know these people.
I will say the shower scene jumped the shark for me a little bit; I didn’t totally buy it.But still.Totally solid.Watch it on a sunny day, though.And do something super fun afterwards to take your mind off all the saaaaaaaaaad.
Watermarks:2004 Yaron Zilberman documentary about the Hakoah swim team that fled the Nazis in Vienna in 1938.It was just okay.I didn’t know about Hakoah, or this particular team.It was an interesting story, it’s nice to see what these ladies are up to now.It was fine, but not amazing.
I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead:2004 British crime drama by Mike Hodges starring Clive Owen, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, and Malcolm McDowell.Owen is a former member of an organized crime syndicate in London who’s gone off the grid to escape his past life.Rhys-Meyers plays his brother, a smalltime drug dealer who dies for reasons I still don’t understand.Owen rolls back into town to avenge his death and bathe.
Might have been more aptly titled I’ll Sleep Right Through This Lame-Ass Movie.It was way too predictable and, frankly, boring.The music was distracting, “Oooooh I’m all dissonant and sparse.”Also, I might hate Malcolm McDowell.I can’t think of a single movie he’s been in that I actually liked.So his presence might be my new litmus test for “shitty.”
Thin:2006 Lauren Greenfield documentary about The Renfrew Center in Florida, a residential treatment facility for women with eating disorders.It follows four women ranging in age from 15-30 who are at varying stages of recovery.Polly is clearly the ringleader, Brittany is the angry teen who doesn’t want to be helped, Alisa is the veteran who can talk the talk but clearly can’t walk that walk, and Shelly is the psychiatric nurse (seriously) who is dealing with a host of other issues besides her eating disorder.
It was interesting subject matter, but I found it really hard to muster sympathy for them (with the exception of Shelly).I know it’s an illness, I understand that it’s ridiculously hard to overcome; that’s not why I couldn’t sympathize.For several of these women the entire thing seemed like an exercise in getting attention and indulging in childish behavior, which detracted from those who were there to really work on their problems.So it didn’t grab me the way I thought it would.There’s the expected psychobabble, passing of the Talking Stick, crying and lying and drama.It was well done, but yeah.Didn’t really grab me.
Black Death:2010 historical horror movie by Christopher Smith; starring Sean Bean, Eddie Redmayne, and Carice van Houten.Seriously, how did anyone survive the Middle Ages?Osmund (Redmayne) is a monk who accompanies a group of soldiers on their journey to investigate rumors of a village that’s been miraculously untouched by The Plague.Except of course it can’t be a miracle, right?Gotta be a witch.Only explanation.They get to the village and things do indeed get witchy.But is it the pagan villagers or the Christian soldiers who are in the right?Oooooooh, interesting!
Why wasn’t this a bigger movie?It’s totally good.The accents are awesome, the action scenes are great, it’s morally ambiguous without getting too serious, and Bean pretty much has that whole medieval knight thing nailed.Has a Wicker Man feel to it.But with less naked singing.
A Raisin in the Sun:1961 drama directed by Daniel Petrie; starring Sidney Poitier, Ruby Dee, Claudia McNeil, and Diana Sands.And the hits keep on coming.Lena Younger (McNeil) is about to get a substantial insurance payout after the death of her husband, and each of her family members has a different plan for the money.Over the course of a few days the family navigates the prejudices of an all-white neighborhood in 1950s Chicago, schiesters intent on ripping them off, conflicting feelings about cultural identity, and the generation gap.Man.I mean, it’s really good.It is.But it’s also a bummer.Really good, total bummer.
Jumpin’ Jack Flash:1986 spy comedy by Penny Marshall; starring Whoopi Goldberg, Jonathan Pryce, and Stephen Collins.Terry Doolittle (Goldberg) is a bored bank employee who starts talking to some dude online who turns out to be a British Intelligence officer on the run from the KGB.It’s up to Terry to infiltrate places and get cryptic messages to people and run from government spooks in order to get “Jack” safely home.
Fantastically ‘80s.Worth watching it just to see the computer equipment.So many green screens!It’s Goldberg at the height of her cuteness, it’s funny and light and full of good cameos.
Bronson:2008 British biopic by Nicolas Winding Refn (weird!I had no idea he directed this one, too) starring Tom Hardy.It follows the prison life of Charlie Bronson (not to be confused with the actor Charles Bronson), who is widely regarded as Britain’s most notorious prisoner.
I love Tom Hardy.I love Tom Hardy’s voice.That was really the only reason I rented the movie, and to be honest it wasn’t that great.I’d say if you are also a rabid Hardy fan, then have at it.Otherwise maybe skip it.It was weird and kind of funny, but honestly not that great.
You could probably just watch this instead and get the gist:
Not for Ourselves Alone: The Story of Elizabeth Cady Stanton & Susan B. Anthony:1999 Ken Burns documentary.3 hours of the suffragist movement.It’s Burns, and therefore great, but you’d better be reeeeally interested in this piece of American history before you invest the time.That being said, I really liked it.I had to split it up over the course of several days to get through it all, but I did like it.Stanton and Anthony were very different women with very different ideas on how to get women the vote, and that tension keeps things interesting.And can I say, I feel like a total slacker compared to Anthony.She never married, never had children, never wavered from her cause, probably never slept.That wonk-eyed, grim-mouthed bitch got.Shit.Done.
The Watcher in the Woods:1980 Disney mystery by John Hough; starring Bette Davis, Lynn-Holly Johnson (you know, that chick from Ice Castles), and Kyle Richards.Johnson and Richards play sisters who move into a new house and get wrapped up in solving a mysterious disappearance that took place on the grounds 30 years prior.Ghosty things start happening. Richards appears to be possessed at times with all the backwards writing and the talking in a Danny-Tony-Shining voice.
I watched this movie so many times as a kid.Sadly, it doesn’t hold up.I was always terrified of the elderly woman, and didn’t realize it was Davis until I rented it this time.God, I love Davis.Those eyes!That voice!But aside from her, the acting was mostly subpar.Ian Bannen was pretty good (you know, the guy with leprosy in Braveheart?).The alternate endings on the DVD were way too scary for their target audience, but were better than the original.Awesome spaceship.
Red Riding 1974:2009 adaptation of the David Peace novel; starring Sean Bean and Andrew Garfield.Garfield plays Eddie Dunford, a cocky young reporter out to make a name for himself at a Yorkshire newspaper.He starts investigating the disappearances of several young girls in the area, which seems somehow connected with a plan to build a shopping mall nearby.The further Dunford delves into each of these subjects, the crazier his life gets. Which is typically how these things go.Colleagues start dying, his boss pulls him off assignments, the police start harassing him.But then he starts a relationship with the mother of one of the missing girls, and that’s gotta be a good move, right?
It was pretty good, but also really depressing.I doubt I’ll watch the other two movies in the trilogy.
Dogtooth:2009 Greek drama (dramedy?) directed by Yorgos Lanthimos, starring Christos Stergioglou, Michelee Valley, Aggeliki Papoulia, Mary Tsoni, and Christos Passalis.Due to some traumatic event we’re never told about, a nameless couple has decided to raise their nameless children in complete isolation from the outside world.The three children are now in their teens to early twenties, and are totally fucked up.They’ve never seen movies or television, their reading is restricted, they’re fed misinformation about life outside their compound (that domesticated cats are highly dangerous animals, for example).When the film starts, the father has apparently decided that it’s time for his son to learn about sex.So naturally, he hires a prostitute and brings her to the house (blindfolded) once a week to be with the son.As this girl spends more time with the siblings she starts leaking information from the outside, and the parents start to lose their absolute control.
It was so messed up.I don’t even know what to say.There were moments here and there that were pretty hilarious, but I didn’t like it.Wouldn’t recommend it.
Friends with Money:2006 Nicole Holofcener film starring Jennifer Aniston, Catherine Keener, Frances McDormand, Joan Cusack, and some dudes.Poor Olivia.After quitting her job as a teacher at a posh private school and being dumped by her married boyfriend, she now cleans houses to make ends meet and smokes a lot of pot.And all of her friends are totally loaded.Thus the title.
McDormand is a fashion designer with a serious attitude and hygiene problem, and a husband who everyone thinks is gay. Keener is a TV writer with her husband, who’s a total jerkwad. Cusak is a bored housewife with a giant trust fund who struggles over whether or not to lend Aniston money. Not a whole lot really happens in this movie, but I still thought it was great. The acting was excellent all around; even Aniston, who I normally can’t stand. I was really surprised that I wasn’t annoyed by her or her character. It’s kind of a chick flick, let’s be honest. But not in a bad way.
