Valhalla Rising: 2009 thriller(?) by Nicolas Winding Refn, with Mads Mikkelsen and Maarten Stevenson. In 1000 A.D., a one-eyed mute warrior (Mads—how bitchin’ is that name?) is held captive by Scottish Highlanders and forced to fight to the death against other captives in some sort of medieval Thunderdome-esque situation. One-Eye kicks ass (figuratively and literally), gains his freedom, befriends a boy named Are, and falls in with a group of would-be Crusaders trying to reach Jerusalem. And then things get weird.
I liked it a lot, even though it was ridiculously gory and I was thoroughly confused by the ending. It’s a bit slow at times, but not plodding.
Elephant: 2003 Gus Van Sant drama starring John Robinson, Alex Frost, and Eric Deulen. The second film in Van Sant’s “Death Trilogy,” (I totally added Gerry and Last Days to my Netflix queue), it’s a school shooting brought all too vividly to life; told in overlapping vignettes from the point of view of several main characters. I seriously can’t even talk about this. It was brilliant and beautiful and gut-wrenching and I cried a lot. Not only during the shooting, but also because of just how accurate the day-to-day crap of teenage life is portrayed. DAMN. Like, if you went to public high school in the United States in the ‘90s or ‘00s, you know these people.
I will say the shower scene jumped the shark for me a little bit; I didn’t totally buy it. But still. Totally solid. Watch it on a sunny day, though. And do something super fun afterwards to take your mind off all the saaaaaaaaaad.
Watermarks: 2004 Yaron Zilberman documentary about the Hakoah swim team that fled the Nazis in Vienna in 1938. It was just okay. I didn’t know about Hakoah, or this particular team. It was an interesting story, it’s nice to see what these ladies are up to now. It was fine, but not amazing.
I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead: 2004 British crime drama by Mike Hodges starring Clive Owen, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, and Malcolm McDowell. Owen is a former member of an organized crime syndicate in London who’s gone off the grid to escape his past life. Rhys-Meyers plays his brother, a smalltime drug dealer who dies for reasons I still don’t understand. Owen rolls back into town to avenge his death and bathe.
Might have been more aptly titled I’ll Sleep Right Through This Lame-Ass Movie. It was way too predictable and, frankly, boring. The music was distracting, “Oooooh I’m all dissonant and sparse.” Also, I might hate Malcolm McDowell. I can’t think of a single movie he’s been in that I actually liked. So his presence might be my new litmus test for “shitty.”
Thin: 2006 Lauren Greenfield documentary about The Renfrew Center in Florida, a residential treatment facility for women with eating disorders. It follows four women ranging in age from 15-30 who are at varying stages of recovery. Polly is clearly the ringleader, Brittany is the angry teen who doesn’t want to be helped, Alisa is the veteran who can talk the talk but clearly can’t walk that walk, and Shelly is the psychiatric nurse (seriously) who is dealing with a host of other issues besides her eating disorder.
It was interesting subject matter, but I found it really hard to muster sympathy for them (with the exception of Shelly). I know it’s an illness, I understand that it’s ridiculously hard to overcome; that’s not why I couldn’t sympathize. For several of these women the entire thing seemed like an exercise in getting attention and indulging in childish behavior, which detracted from those who were there to really work on their problems. So it didn’t grab me the way I thought it would. There’s the expected psychobabble, passing of the Talking Stick, crying and lying and drama. It was well done, but yeah. Didn’t really grab me.
Black Death: 2010 historical horror movie by Christopher Smith; starring Sean Bean, Eddie Redmayne, and Carice van Houten. Seriously, how did anyone survive the Middle Ages? Osmund (Redmayne) is a monk who accompanies a group of soldiers on their journey to investigate rumors of a village that’s been miraculously untouched by The Plague. Except of course it can’t be a miracle, right? Gotta be a witch. Only explanation. They get to the village and things do indeed get witchy. But is it the pagan villagers or the Christian soldiers who are in the right? Oooooooh, interesting!
Why wasn’t this a bigger movie? It’s totally good. The accents are awesome, the action scenes are great, it’s morally ambiguous without getting too serious, and Bean pretty much has that whole medieval knight thing nailed. Has a Wicker Man feel to it. But with less naked singing.
A Raisin in the Sun: 1961 drama directed by Daniel Petrie; starring Sidney Poitier, Ruby Dee, Claudia McNeil, and Diana Sands. And the hits keep on coming. Lena Younger (McNeil) is about to get a substantial insurance payout after the death of her husband, and each of her family members has a different plan for the money. Over the course of a few days the family navigates the prejudices of an all-white neighborhood in 1950s Chicago, schiesters intent on ripping them off, conflicting feelings about cultural identity, and the generation gap. Man. I mean, it’s really good. It is. But it’s also a bummer. Really good, total bummer.
Jumpin’ Jack Flash: 1986 spy comedy by Penny Marshall; starring Whoopi Goldberg, Jonathan Pryce, and Stephen Collins. Terry Doolittle (Goldberg) is a bored bank employee who starts talking to some dude online who turns out to be a British Intelligence officer on the run from the KGB. It’s up to Terry to infiltrate places and get cryptic messages to people and run from government spooks in order to get “Jack” safely home.
Fantastically ‘80s. Worth watching it just to see the computer equipment. So many green screens! It’s Goldberg at the height of her cuteness, it’s funny and light and full of good cameos.
Bronson: 2008 British biopic by Nicolas Winding Refn (weird! I had no idea he directed this one, too) starring Tom Hardy. It follows the prison life of Charlie Bronson (not to be confused with the actor Charles Bronson), who is widely regarded as Britain’s most notorious prisoner.
I love Tom Hardy. I love Tom Hardy’s voice. That was really the only reason I rented the movie, and to be honest it wasn’t that great. I’d say if you are also a rabid Hardy fan, then have at it. Otherwise maybe skip it. It was weird and kind of funny, but honestly not that great.
You could probably just watch this instead and get the gist:
Not for Ourselves Alone: The Story of Elizabeth Cady Stanton & Susan B. Anthony: 1999 Ken Burns documentary. 3 hours of the suffragist movement. It’s Burns, and therefore great, but you’d better be reeeeally interested in this piece of American history before you invest the time. That being said, I really liked it. I had to split it up over the course of several days to get through it all, but I did like it. Stanton and Anthony were very different women with very different ideas on how to get women the vote, and that tension keeps things interesting. And can I say, I feel like a total slacker compared to Anthony. She never married, never had children, never wavered from her cause, probably never slept. That wonk-eyed, grim-mouthed bitch got. Shit. Done.
The Watcher in the Woods: 1980 Disney mystery by John Hough; starring Bette Davis, Lynn-Holly Johnson (you know, that chick from Ice Castles), and Kyle Richards. Johnson and Richards play sisters who move into a new house and get wrapped up in solving a mysterious disappearance that took place on the grounds 30 years prior. Ghosty things start happening. Richards appears to be possessed at times with all the backwards writing and the talking in a Danny-Tony-Shining voice.
I watched this movie so many times as a kid. Sadly, it doesn’t hold up. I was always terrified of the elderly woman, and didn’t realize it was Davis until I rented it this time. God, I love Davis. Those eyes! That voice! But aside from her, the acting was mostly subpar. Ian Bannen was pretty good (you know, the guy with leprosy in Braveheart?). The alternate endings on the DVD were way too scary for their target audience, but were better than the original. Awesome spaceship.
Red Riding 1974: 2009 adaptation of the David Peace novel; starring Sean Bean and Andrew Garfield. Garfield plays Eddie Dunford, a cocky young reporter out to make a name for himself at a Yorkshire newspaper. He starts investigating the disappearances of several young girls in the area, which seems somehow connected with a plan to build a shopping mall nearby. The further Dunford delves into each of these subjects, the crazier his life gets. Which is typically how these things go. Colleagues start dying, his boss pulls him off assignments, the police start harassing him. But then he starts a relationship with the mother of one of the missing girls, and that’s gotta be a good move, right?
It was pretty good, but also really depressing. I doubt I’ll watch the other two movies in the trilogy.
Dogtooth: 2009 Greek drama (dramedy?) directed by Yorgos Lanthimos, starring Christos Stergioglou, Michelee Valley, Aggeliki Papoulia, Mary Tsoni, and Christos Passalis. Due to some traumatic event we’re never told about, a nameless couple has decided to raise their nameless children in complete isolation from the outside world. The three children are now in their teens to early twenties, and are totally fucked up. They’ve never seen movies or television, their reading is restricted, they’re fed misinformation about life outside their compound (that domesticated cats are highly dangerous animals, for example). When the film starts, the father has apparently decided that it’s time for his son to learn about sex. So naturally, he hires a prostitute and brings her to the house (blindfolded) once a week to be with the son. As this girl spends more time with the siblings she starts leaking information from the outside, and the parents start to lose their absolute control.
It was so messed up. I don’t even know what to say. There were moments here and there that were pretty hilarious, but I didn’t like it. Wouldn’t recommend it.
Friends with Money: 2006 Nicole Holofcener film starring Jennifer Aniston, Catherine Keener, Frances McDormand, Joan Cusack, and some dudes. Poor Olivia. After quitting her job as a teacher at a posh private school and being dumped by her married boyfriend, she now cleans houses to make ends meet and smokes a lot of pot. And all of her friends are totally loaded. Thus the title.
McDormand is a fashion designer with a serious attitude and hygiene problem, and a husband who everyone thinks is gay. Keener is a TV writer with her husband, who’s a total jerkwad. Cusak is a bored housewife with a giant trust fund who struggles over whether or not to lend Aniston money. Not a whole lot really happens in this movie, but I still thought it was great. The acting was excellent all around; even Aniston, who I normally can’t stand. I was really surprised that I wasn’t annoyed by her or her character. It’s kind of a chick flick, let’s be honest. But not in a bad way.
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