Shadows and Fog: 1991 Woody Allen film starring Mia Farrow, Woody, John Malkovich, and John Cusack. Allen plays Kleinman, a nervous (of course), meek (duh) bookkeeper who is used as bait by a local vigilante mob to lure and capture a serial killer. There’s also a circus in town, it’s very German Expressionist. It was good, fine. On the overall Allen scale I’d put it at about a 5.
Heavenly Creatures: 1994 drama directed by Peter Jackson and starring Kate Winslet and Melanie Lynskey, about the Parker-Hulme murder. Two bratty teenage girls bond over their former childhood illnesses, mutual obnoxiousness, and love of Mario Lanza. They create a complex fantasy world based on Truth and Beauty and Art and Violence and Lesbianism, then decide that their parents are standing between them and said craziness. So they commit murder to be together. It was odd. I didn’t sympathize with any of the characters, it drags a bit, and despite the decent acting all around I just couldn’t get invested. Also the weird hallucinogenic qualities of their fantasy realm started to wear a bit. I’d skip it. Or maybe watch this episode of The Simpsons instead.
A Dangerous Method: 2011 biographical drama directed by David Cronenberg and starring Michael Fassbender, Viggo Mortensen, Keira Knightley, and Vincent Cassel. It traces the history of psychotherapy, which it turns out I find totally uninteresting. Not even a shirtless Fassbender wielding a riding crop could garner much enthusiasm from me. It’s basically two hours of dirty old men justifying their dithering, lobbing nonsense back and forth. I have no idea how accurate it is, but if the story is true then Freud was an egotistical asshole and Jung should have confided in his very astute wife instead of his unstable patient. And yes, I realize that I just used several terms they coined to describe what jerks they were. I had very high hopes for this one, but it just didn’t grab me.
Journey to the Center of the Earth: 1959 fantasy adventure based on the Jules Verne novel, directed by Henry Levin and starring James Mason and Pat Boone. Some scientists travel to Iceland in a race to be the first humans to explore the center of the Earth. In musical form! Seriously the worst Scottish accents I’ve ever heard. Aside from a mildly amusing duck named Gertrude it’s not worth it.
Inside the U.S. Secret Service: 2004 National Geographic documentary. OK, current controversies aside, it’s fascinating. I’ll admit the camera work is a bit crappy, and it occasionally has that Cold Case Files with Bill Kurtis feel to it, but I still liked it a lot. I mean, come on! They interview Clint Hill (the agent who crawled onto the back of JFK’s limo after he was shot), Jerry Parr (the agent who made the call to take Reagan to the hospital after he was shot, which probably saved Reagan’s life) and Floyd Boring (the agent on duty at the time of the Truman assassination attempt), among others.
The viewer is given a look at some general procedures in what it takes to protect the President on a daily basis, but the best part for me was hearing about the history of the agency and the near-misses and close calls. Like, seriously? There is actually a guy whose whole job is to put his body in front of the protectee and TAKE A BULLET. Bananas.
The Hunger Games: 2012 sci-fi film based on the wildly popular young adult book series, directed by Gary Ross and starring Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, Woody Harrelson, and Donald Sutherland. Did you read the book? If not, then I’m afraid some things may be lost on you and it will probably seem way too long. If yes, then I can say it’s fairly faithful to the book. It’s fluffy and full of action. I wouldn’t say it’s fun, what with the teenagers being locked in an epic struggle for survival and all. But it was definitely entertaining. The shaky camera shit got annoying and I thought they spent too much time with the Gamemakers; except for the bit at the end it felt unnecessary. But I liked it, and I’ll probably see the sequels.
Moneyball: 2011 biographical sports drama directed by Bennett Miller and starring Brad Pitt, Jonah Hill, and Philip Seymour Hoffman. “It’s hard not to be romantic about baseball.” That’s pretty much the whole movie. Billy Beane (Pitt) is the Oakland A’s general manager. He has a losing team, his best players have just been poached, and he doesn’t have enough money to replace them. Enter sabermetrics. As baseball movies go, it’s pretty standard: underdogs, heartbreak, training montages. Jonah Hill did a really good job. It was fine. But I set the bar at Bull Durham, so maybe I ask too much.
The Curse of the Bambino: 2004 HBO documentary about the Red Sox’s epic losing streak, narrated by Ben Affleck and featuring interviews with hardcore Sox fans and journalists. It covers the history of the Red Sox, focusing on the myths and facts surrounding why they didn’t win a World Series from 1919-2004. It’s really, really good. I’d recommend it even if you’re not a baseball fan. It’s funny, it’s heart-wrenching, and if you watch it now you know it all works out in the end. These long-suffering fans finally got their moment of glory in 2004. And then again in 2007. Show offs.
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Limelight: 2011 biographical documentary directed by Billy Corben, about the life of questionable nightclub owner Peter Gatien. So this Canadian wunderkind comes to the States, starts raking it in during the disco hey day, and then meets the Club Kids. Downfall ensues. It’s not that interesting. Watch Party Monster instead.
Strange Culture: 2007 documentary directed by Lynn Hershman Leeson. Steve Kurtz and his wife were members of the Critical Art Ensemble, a group that attempted to expose the public to and educate them about genetically modified food and other controversial science-related issues. When Kurtz’s wife died of heart failure, he was arrested on suspicion of bioterrorism because he had some petri dishes in his home. For his art show. Seriously. The subject matter of the film is fascinating, but because Kurtz was only allowed to participate to a certain extent in the filming (the trial was ongoing when it was being made) it’s told through dramatic reenactments. But the actors who play Kurtz and his friends in the reenactments also comment on his story and trial as themselves, so it gets a little messy. It was okay. I enjoyed reading about it afterwards more than watching the movie.
Killer Clowns From Outer Space: 1988 comedy/horror movie by the Chiodo Brothers, starring Grant Cramer and Suzanne Snyder. Clown-aliens come to Earth and start killing off the population of a small town by, like, wrapping them in cotton candy. It’s ludicrous, funny, the acting is campy and over the top. I would recommend it for a laugh around Halloween.
River’s Edge: 1986 drama directed by Tim Hunter and starring Keanu Reeves, Crispin Glover, Ione Skye, Dennis Hopper, Daniel Roebuck, and Joshua John Miller (the obnoxious kid brother in Teen Witch). A troubled teen named Samson kills his girlfriend, then matter-of-factly informs his friends of the crime, who have to decide whether to turn him in. I guess that’s what the movie is about? It also deals with teenage psychopathy, groupthink, paranoia, overinflated senses of adventure, and misanthropy. I didn’t think I liked it at first, but by the end it had me. I like Keanu Reeves a little more all the time. But has anyone else noticed that Crispin Glover is a terrible actor? Like, really really terrible. In Back to the Future it was semi-tolerable and kind of understanding that he chewed the scenery; he was playing an earnest nerd in the 1950s. His performance in this movie, however, was so bad it was almost distracting.
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