Hatfields &
McCoys: 2012 History Channel
miniseries starring Kevin Costner, Bill Paxton, Tom Berenger, Powers Boothe,
Jena Malone and Mare Winningham. It’s a
fairly accurate portrayal of the bitter feud between two families living
on the border of West Virginia and Kentucky after the Civil War. You stole my pig! You stole my land! You knocked up my cousin and then ran off
with my other cousin! Seriously.
I was
so excited when I first heard about this.
I mean, the lineup alone had me apoplectic and C’MON with that
storyline! Yeah. I doff my hat to Mr. Costner for his general
badassery. But Paxton was not just chewing
the scenery; he was gorging himself on cardboard trees. That metaphor is a stretch, but you get my
meaning. Not even the rampant surliness
of Powers Boothe and Tom Berenger could soothe me. I got through one episode and called it
quits.
Fun
fact: descendants of the Hatfield and
McCoy clans actually went on Family Feud
in 1979. Weird.
Immortals: 2011 fantasy film directed by Tarsem Singh
and starring Henry Cavill, Freida Pinto, Mickey Rourke and Stephen Dorff. It’s loosely based on the Greek myths of
Theseus and the Minotaur and the War of the Titans: the mad mortal king Hyperion (Rourke) is on a
quest to find a bow that will help him release the Titans from their eternal
imprisonment, so he can use them in a fight against the gods. First he has to track down a virgin oracle
who knows the bow’s location, then he must deal with this rebel kid Theseus who
of course is a son of Zeus because like half of Greece has gotten busy with the
Father of the Gods. Keep it in your
tunic, dude. Jeez. Also Stephen Dorff is there.
Honestly,
I kind of liked it. I’m a big fan of
Tarsem Singh and his over-the-top visuals (The
Cell and The Fall), I like that
Dorff’s still getting work, and I wasn’t totally put off by the departures from
the actual myths. It’s a pretty decent
action movie.
Dial M for Murder: 1954 thriller directed by Alfred Hitchcock
and starring Ray Milland, Grace Kelly, Robert Cummings and John Williams. Tony’s wife Margot is having an affair, and he
decides to have her killed, apparently hoping that his inheritance will comfort
him. But will he get
away with it, or will his efforts be thwarted by her
American lover and a fastidious London detective? It’s really solid. The acting is decent all around; Ray Milland
is fantastic as the diabolical and charming Tony. The pacing is nice, the twists and turns are
believable, and the ending is tense right up to the final moment.
William Shatner’s
Get a Life: 2012
self-congratulatory documentary directed by William Shatner, about the Star
Trek convention phenomenon. The
interviews with the fans are pretty interesting, and often sweet and heartwarming. When Shatner can bring himself to shut up,
that is. There’s a lot of supposed
soul-searching on Shatner’s part, and it feels insincere and weird. Skip it.
Unless you’re a Trekkie, in which case please don’t send me hate mail.
The Vanishing: 1993 thriller directed by George Sluizer and
starring Jeff Bridges, Kiefer Sutherland, Sandra Bullock and Nancy Travis. When Jeff’s girlfriend Diane disappears from
a rest stop he sets out on an obsessive three-year quest to find out what
happened to her. I feel like I shouldn’t
say anything else. It’s a surprisingly
good thriller. It never drags, there’s a
twist about two-thirds of the way through that I really didn’t see coming, and
Jeff Bridges is mega creepy. I highly
recommend.
The Twilight Saga:
Breaking Dawn – Part 2: The
final Twilight movie with all the Twilight people based on all those Twilight
books. Shut up. If you like the movies or books then you’ve
probably already seen this or plan to.
It’s fluffy nonsense and sometimes I need that so quit judging me. I very much enjoyed the giant Fuck You to the
fans at the end. Well done.
Lincoln: 2012 American historical film directed by
Steven Spielberg and starring Daniel Day-Lewis, Sally Field, Gloria Reuben,
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, David Strathairn, Tommy Lee Jones, Lee Pace, Hal
Holbrook, James Spader, I could go on and on.
Unless you’ve been too busy preparing for the zombie apocalypse/Second
Coming/Sequestration to pay any attention to pop culture, you already know this
movie is about the passage of the 13th Amendment. Look, regardless of the criticisms that have
been leveled against it, I stand firm in my opinion that this is an excellent
movie. The casting is outstanding. Day-Lewis is a beacon unto my soul and I’ll
tolerate no besmirching of his name.
Sure, it veers toward the melodramatic at times and it has that
Spielbergian sheen to it . . . but what do you expect, it’s a Spielberg
film. I loved it.
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