Movies By Month: February 2012

Prisoner of Paradise:  2003 Canadian documentary directed by Malcolm Clarke and Stuart Sender.  Beautifully narrated by Ian Holm, it tells the story of Kurt Gerron, a Jewish movie director who was imprisoned at the Theresienstadt concentration camp and forced to make a Nazi propaganda film extolling the virtues of camp life.  Damn.  It was interesting, but didn’t really grab me.  I think perhaps I’ve seen too many World War II documentaries?  Is that possible?  When you know so much about a subject that even new details don’t much capture your attention?

The Good German:  2006 historical drama directed by Steven Soderbergh and starring George Clooney, Cate Blanchett, and Dopey Maguire.  Postwar Berlin, Clooney is a war correspondent, Maguire is his skeezy valet, and Blanchett is the Jewish prostitute/former Gal Friday/Nazi wife that they’re trying to get out of the restricted zone to freedom.  But of course she’s not playing it straight with anyone, that’s the trouble with dames.

I liked this more the first time I saw it, when it was called The Third Man and didn’t involve Maguire (how I loathe him).  It’s overwrought, completely lacking in subtlety—and maybe that’s what Soderbergh is going for, with a new spin on the noir?  Doesn’t matter, it’s not effective.  It’s also at least an hour too long.  Skip it.  Not even a Clooney in uniform makes it worth your time.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy:  2011 spy thriller directed by Tomas Alfredson and starring just freaking everyone awesome.  Tom Hardy, Colin Firth, Benedict Cumberbatch, Gary Oldman, Toby Jones, Mark Strong, Ciaran Hinds, John Hurt, Stephen Graham godDAMN such a good cast.  OK, yes, the plot:  London, 1970s, the British secret service is looking for a Russian mole in their midst.  I don’t want to say anything else lest I spoil it, and you ARE going to see this movie.  The acting is stellar all around, the pace is exciting but not so fast you can’t keep up, and the ending is pretty much perfect.  I’d heard that it was hard to follow if you hadn’t read the book or seen the BBC miniseries, but as long as you’re paying attention it’s not difficult at all.  I wanted to watch it again immediately after it was over.

And something that won’t make sense until you see it, and you ARE going to see this movie:  I love that you never really see Smilie’s wife – his blind spot.

Nightwatch:  1997 horror/thriller directed by Ole Bornedal and starring Ewan McGregor, Patricia Arquette, Josh Brolin, Nick Nolte, and Lauren Graham.  Wow, how prototypically ‘90s is that cast?  McGregor plays a law student who takes what he thinks will be a cake job as a night watchman at the city morgue.  Totally easy, he can study all night and try to ignore all the strange noises and creepy nooks and crannies of the freaking MORGUE, right?  Unfortunately for him there’s a serial killer on the loose, bodies are piling up, and strange things start happening.  Dramatic pause for effect!  Is his best friend the killer?  Is he losing his mind?  Is someone playing games with him? 

It’s a pretty decent thriller.  I wasn’t too surprised by the twist, but it was sufficiently nail-biting.

Panic Room:  2002 thriller directed by David Fincher and starring Jodie Foster, Kristen Stewart (yes that Stewart, of the sparkly vampire movies), Forest Whitaker, Jared Leto, and Dwight Yoakam.  Foster and Stewart are a mother and daughter who just moved in to a fancy apartment on the Upper West Side.  Too bad so sad for them:  the deceased former owner left some treasure behind, and the snotty grandson wants to get to it before the Estate Tax does.  When they realize their home is being invaded they lock themselves in the panic room, which is unfortunately where the aforementioned treasure is hidden.

                Certainly not my favorite Fincher.  It was decent, but not great.  Mr. Yoakam is outstanding (SO underrated as an actor), and everyone else does a fine job.  If you’re on a Fincher kick or really have a thing for Jared Leto in corn rows, then give it a whirl.  Otherwise maybe skip it.

In the Loop:  2009 political satire directed by Armando Iannucci and starring James Gandolfini, Peter Capaldi, Tom Hollander, Anna Chlumsky (moment of silence for My Girl), and a ton of other people I kind of recognize but not really.  The U.K. and U.S. are on the verge of invading the Middle East – shock!  Feuding factions of government officials on both sides attempt to start or prevent this new impending war.  It’s freaking hilarious.  There’s so much cursing.  And really inventive cursing, particularly on the part of the two Scots, one of whom is played by Capaldi.  Example:  “Don't get sarcastic with me, son. We burned this tight-arsed city to the ground in 1814. And I'm all for doing it again, starting with you, you frat fuck. You get sarcastic with me again and I will stuff so much cotton wool down your fucking throat it'll come out your arse like the tail on a Playboy bunny.”  Gandolfini is also really good, which totally surprised me.  I highly recommend.

Ballets Russe:  2005 documentary about the Ballet Russe de Monte Carlo, directed by Dayna Goldfine and Dan Geller.  Another day, another documentary about dancing, am I right?  I enjoyed the interviews with the now-elderly dancers, who range from adorable to adorable/batshit crazy.  It was fine.  If you like the ballet and have some time on your hands, then why not.

Drive:  2011 thriller-ish drama directed by Nicolas Winding Refn and starring Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan, Albert Brooks, Ron Perlman, and Bryan Cranston.  Ryan Gosling plays an unnamed stunt driver/getaway car driver/mechanic who befriends a young woman and her son who live in his apartment building.  When the woman’s husband gets out of jail and needs some help paying off a protection debt, Unknown Driver decides to help him out, which leads to complications in the lives of everyone in his small universe.

This is a pretty weak summation of the plot, I admit.  Honestly, the less you know about it, the better.  At first I thought it was just going to be a better version of The Transporter.  But after the initial excitement of the opening scene, the pace becomes slow and methodical, building to an amazing climax.  It’s just so damn good.  To riff on one of my favorite quotes from High Fidelity, it’s dark, violent, and the soundtrack kicks fucking ass.  Put your doubts about The Gosling aside, and see it as soon as possible.

The Crow: Wicked Prayer:   2005 horror film directed by Lance Mungia.  Yes.  I watched this movie.  But how could I not, given this line-up:  Tara Reid, Edward Furlong, Dennis Hopper, Macy Gray, and post-Angel, pre-Bones David Boreanaz?!?  There’s no need to explain how bad it was.  It was truly, truly awful.  I was just constantly giggling the entire time, marveling at the existence of it.  I will say, I watched the original again awhile back and it’s still deliciously ‘90s Goth. 

Mimic:  1997 sci fi horror film directed by Guillermo del Toro and starring Mira Sorvino, Jeremy Northam, and Josh Brolin.  When cockroaches spread a deadly disease in New York City, entomologist Susan Tyler develops and releases a new breed of bug designed to kill them.  Turns out this Judas Breed of superbug reproduces and evolves rapidly, becoming giant and able to mimic the form of humans.  So the squad of scientists has to figure out a way to kill them before they spread throughout the world!  It was so-so.  The buggy-sciencey stuff was interesting, but it wasn’t scary.  Not enough there to keep my attention.

Movies By Month: January 2012, part 2

Bad Teacher:  2011 comedy directed by Jake Kasdan and starring Cameron Diaz, Justin Timberlake, Jason Segal, and Lucy Punch.  It doesn’t really matter what the movie is about, honestly.  She’s a bad teacher.  And this is a bad movie.  Punch and Timberlake do a fine job, as does Diaz I guess, but it wasn’t funny or interesting or even watchable.  I spent most of the movie trying to figure out if Diaz had work done right before shooting began, because her cheeks looked really weird. 

Encounters at the End of the World:  2007 Herzog documentary about people who live in Antarctica.  I’m sorry, I just can’t.  The footage was pretty spectacular, and the rare moments when Werner shuts the hell up are beautiful and interesting.  But they are rare, indeed.  I tried muting it unless he was interviewing someone, but that was too much work so I stopped watching after an hour.  I will continue to try, Mr. Herzog.  Maybe you could help me out by giving that voice box a rest.

The Black Power Mixtape ’67-’75:  2011 documentary about the Black Power Movement directed by Garan Hugo Olsson.  The movie combines found footage from a Swedish television crew with contemporary commentary by folks like Erykah Badu, Talib Kweli, Angela Davis, and Kathleen Cleaver.  It’s excellent, especially if you’re interested in this period of American history.  The footage is really interesting, since one rarely sees new footage from this era.  And I liked that interspersed with the commentary about its historical significance are personal histories, what it was like to live in this time.  Oh, and the music by Questlove is great.  It’s just all really good.  See it.

Paul:  2011 sci-fi comedy directed by Greg Mottola and starring Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Seth Rogen, and Kristen Wiig.  Pegg and Frost are British enthusiasts of all things nerdy, making their way across the U.S. to visit their favorite extra terrestrial-related sights.  They run into a CGI alien named Paul (who of course is the alien from the Roswell landing) and they try to help him escape the government goons who are tracking him down.  It was fine.  If I didn’t have such a love for Pegg and Frost I might even have liked it.  But this is pretty weak sauce, guys.  It had cute and funny moments, but my expectations were not met.  If you’re interested in the Pegg/Frost oeuvre, then watch Shawn of the Dead or Hot Fuzz or Spaced.  I wouldn’t bother with the rest. 

p.s. Jason Bateman, I didn’t buy you as the bad guy for a second.  Try harder next time.

Hollywoodland:  2006 drama about the death of George Reeves, directed by Allen Coulter and starring Adrien Brody, Ben Affleck, Diane Lane, and Bob Hoskins.  Brody plays a private detective, who naturally is down on his luck and drinks a bit too much and has an inappropriate involvement with his female assistant, because this movie could not be more predictable.  Anyway.  So this P.I. decides to launch an investigation into the apparent suicide of George Reeves, who you may remember from Adventures of Superman.  He quickly uncovers Reeves’s affair with a powerful studio head’s wife, a quickie marriage to a money-grubbing moll, and a strained relationship with his mother.

Much like Mad Men, I found myself more interested in the costumes and sets than the storyline.  It seemed to have potential at the outset, but the ending lacked teeth.  It’s just OK.  If you’re interested in Old Hollywood cover-ups, watch the documentary Girl 29 instead.

Just LOOK at that set design!!

We Need To Talk About Kevin:  2011 drama directed by Lynne Ramsay and starring Tilda Swinton, John C. Reilly, and Ezra Miller.  Full review to follow in an upcoming post.

Good Neighbors:  2010 Canadian thriller directed by Jacob Tierney and starring Scott Speedman, Jay Baruchel, and Emily Hampshire.  Louise (Hampshire) is a reclusive waitress, Spencer (Speedman) is her snarky, paraplegic downstairs neighbor, and Victor (Baruchel) is the new guy in the building, an eager and often annoying elementary school teacher who just wants to make friends.  When their neighborhood becomes the hunting ground for a serial killer, their shared curiosity in the case has some interesting consequences.

I immediately knew who the killer was.  It’s so obvious as to almost be insulting.  So I kept with it mostly because have I mentioned in the last ten minutes that I love Scott Speedman?  Because I DO.  I didn’t really think it would improve and then holy crap!  Not at all the direction I thought it was going to take.  The last 20 minutes or so got WAY interesting.  I ended up liking it quite a bit, but that could be my Scott-colored glasses.

Hugo:  2011 adventure drama directed by Martin Scorsese and starring Asa Butterfield, Ben Kingsley, Chloe Grace Moretz, Sacha Baron Cohen, and Helen McCrory.  Hugo Cabret is a young orphan boy secretly living in the Gare Montparnasse railroad station in 1930s Paris. He makes friends with an earnest young girl, who is precocious in the way that children with perfect childhoods are in movies.  They embark on a great adventure filled with mystery and clock-making and movie history and mechanical toys and cute dogs and old bookstores.  *Le dreamy sigh*  So yes, duh, of course I liked it.  I watched the 2D version, as my bitter hatred of the current 3D trend would not permit viewing it in that most loathed format.  And it was perfectly fine and enjoyable without simulated crap flying at my face.

The Cove:  2009 documentary directed by Louie Psihoyos and starring dolphin activist Ric O’Barry and his band of merry misfits.  The film follows O’Barry as he tries to shut down dolphin hunting operations in Taiji, Japan.  He’s thwarted at every turn by the local government, who is bent on keeping their primary industry intact.  Nevermind that dolphin meat contains freakishly high levels of mercury and is usually sold disguised as other fish products, and the inhumane methods used to kill the animals.  So O’Barry and the filmmakers assemble a crack team of marine biologists, professional free divers, and specialty film crews to break into restricted areas and use crazy high tech gadgets to finally document the dolphin hunt process in Taiji and inform the world.

I would like to defy the stereotype and say that even though I am female, I do not have a deep-seated twee obsession with this slippery mammal.  And I was concerned it would be yet another uber-liberal documentary that wouldn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know.  Also, I eat meat.  I eat cute little furry animals.  I try not to eat meat every day, and I try to purchase meat that is raised and killed humanely, but I do eat it.  I didn’t want another Michael Pollan situation on my hands where I was afraid to drink water for 2 weeks.  But I caved.  It won for Best Documentary at the Oscars and people kept telling me to see it and Netflix kept taunting me with it.  Had I known it was going to be like a spy movie, I totally would have watched it sooner!

Judge Dredd:  1995 sci fi train wreck directed by Danny Cannon and starring Sylvester Stallone, Armande Assante, Diane Lane, and Rob Schneider.  It’s the future, cops are now also judges who can inflict collateral damage and kill offenders at their own discretion, Stallone is framed by his former partner, Rob Schneider is annoying bla bla bla.  Honestly, I confused this with Demolition Man, which is probably just as terrible but at least has Wesley Snipes.  It was lame.  Sigh . . . could my love for terrible action movies be waning?

To Kill A King:  2003 English historical drama directed by Mike Barker and starring Tim Roth, Dougray Scott, Olivia Williams, and Rupert Everett.  The film explores the relationship between Oliver Cromwell and Thomas Fairfax in the wake of the English Civil War (was there really only one?).  The Parliamentarians want the people to have a voice in government, the Royalists believe that King Charles I is ordained by God and can do pretty much whatever he wants.   And here come the Puritans!  Everett is deliciously bitchy as King Charles, and Roth is excellent as the pious, judgey Cromwell, the man who robbed England of pie and Christmas. 

                  I have no idea how accurate the historical details are, which is probably why I enjoyed it so much.  Instead of focusing on glaring costume mistakes I was able to just watch the movie.  Like a normal person.  I also liked that I never fully sympathized with all of the beliefs or decisions of either Cromwell or Fairfax, so it was difficult to choose a side, which I think made it more interesting.

Movies by Month, January 2012, part 1

Colombiana:  2011 French-American action film directed by Olivier Megaton and starring Zoe Saldana, Michael Vartan, Cliff Curtis, and Jordi Molla.  Cataleya’s parents are killed by the Colombian drug lord they work for, she escapes, flees to the United States, and grows up to become a hit(wo)man who preys on the cartel that killed her family.  IF you ignore the first 20 minutes or so when she’s a little girl, it’s pretty decent.  The action is interesting and entertaining.  And Saldana is great.  But those opening sequences are rough.  Like, no.  I’m sorry.  I realize that it’s an action movie, and certain things must be taken on faith in this genre, but it was almost laughable.  Anyway, ignore that part, take it thoroughly salted, and it’s good.

Grizzly Man:  2005 Werner Herzog documentary.  So you know what that means: endless accented yammering.  Herzog’s blather aside, this movie is amazing.  Timothy Treadwell spent 13 summers in Katmai National Park in Alaska, documenting his time spent with the grizzly bears he fought to protect.  Then in 2003 he and his girlfriend Amie Huguenard were killed in a bear attack.  Herzog uses Treadwell’s own footage as well as interviews with his friends, acquaintances, and animal experts (I would like to say yet again that I find the Interview Slow Zoom totally obnoxious).  I thought he did a good job balancing the different viewpoints, from the detractors to the enthusiastic supporters.  Treadwell may have had an inflated sense of self-satisfaction, may even have been delusional (crying over a dead bumblebee?), but it seems he meant well.  Still.  Dude spoke to animals like they could actually understand him--we all do this with our pets, but it’s weird with wild animals.  I admit that I’m jealous of his friendship with a family of foxes.  It’s filled with heartwarming, heart-wrenching, and prophetic scenes.  Even if you think he’s crazy, it’s still worth watching.  This is easily my favorite Herzog documentary, and you should definitely see it.

The Science of Sleep:  2006 fantasy comedy written and directed by Michael Gondry, and starring Gael Garcia Bernal and Charlotte Gainsbourg.  Ah yes, the movie that launched a thousand shitty student art projects.  Stephane is a dreamy young man who has a crush on his neighbor Stephanie, and since he apparently lacks plums, he works out his frustrations through his dreams.  He reminded me of a guy who had a crush on me in high school, it made me uncomfortable.  So maybe I’m a tad biased because of this, but even if I objectively put that aside, I still wasn’t impressed with it.  And quick note, Charlotte Gainsbourg is a great actress, but I never like the movies she’s in.  Granted, I haven’t seen that many, but you’re 0 for 2, Charlotte.  WTF.

Red State:  2011 indie action/horror film directed by Kevin Smith (yes, that Kevin Smith) and starring Michael Parks, John Goodman, Melissa Leo, and Kyle Gallner.  Three small town teenage boys answer an online in a chat room (yes, that kind of chat room), only to find themselves in the clutches of a Fred Phelps-ish preacher and his overzealous family, who are on a crusade to rid the world of sinners, one possibly gay person at a time.  Meanwhile an ATF agent (Goodman) is setting up a sting outside the family church, and pretty soon it’s Waco 2.0.  The acting by the main characters is fairly decent, especially Parks and George.  She might have chewed the scenery here and there but I think her character called for it.  It showed a lot of promise initially, was decently suspenseful and creepy right up until the climax, but all the air went out of it by the end.

The Bride:  1985 Frankenstein adaptation directed by Franc Roddam and starring Jennifer Beales and Sting.  I repeat, Jennifer Beales and Sting.  THIS MOVIE EXISTS.  I very much wanted it to kick ass.  I really did.  I wanted it to be ludicrous, over the top, fantastically ‘80s.  But the acting is terrible, the plot is boring and one-dimensional, and I had to turn it off after 45 minutes.  I gave it a fair shake, but I could only take so much.

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia:   2009 documentary directed by Julien Nitzberg and starring The White Family of Boone County, WV.  Ugh.  What was the point of this, exactly?  Nitzberg follows this family around for a year as they fight and sell drugs and use drugs and scam the government and get released from prison and go back to prison and relive the days when they all used to be famous mountain dancers (apparently it’s some form of tap dancing).  I ended up watching the entire thing mostly out of sick curiosity.  I grew up around a few people like this.  Well, minus the murdering.  There were a few redeeming moments near the end revolving around Kirk White’s struggle to regain custody of her kids, but mostly the movie is a pointless glorification and reinforcement of white trash stereotypes.   Watch Harlan County instead.

Beautiful Boy:  2010 drama directed by Shawn Ku and starring Michael Sheen and Maria Bello.  Full review to follow in an upcoming post.

Touching the Void:  2003 documentary directed by Kevin MacDonald with dramatic reenactments starring Brendan Mackey, Nicholas Aaron, and Ollie Ryall.  Joe Simpson and Simon Yates are the only mountain climbers ever to ascend the west face of the Siula Grande in Peru.  Know why?  SHIT IS DANGEROUS.  I really don’t understand adrenaline junkies.  In 1985, Simpson and Yates climbed the 20, 813 foot mountain face, and then had a doozy of a time on the way down.  They’re caught in a storm, Simpson broke his leg, and Yates was forced to cut his connecting rope to Simpson in order to finish his descent.  Crazy stuff happens in survival situations. 

The film just jumps in with very little backstory.  Who are these guys?  Who’s that dude hanging out at basecamp?  What’s their deal?  The story is told through first person narratives and reenactments, which are surprisingly well done.  It keeps you glued; you know they’ll survive because they’re being interviewed – duh – but it’s still riveting.

Winter’s Bone:  2010 indie drama directed by Debra Granick and starring Jennifer Lawrence, John Hawkes, and Garret Dillahunt.  Ree Dolly (Lawrence) is already taking care of her younger brother and sister and catatonic mother when her meth-cooking dad disappears after using the house as collateral for bail.  Ree has to track down her dad in order to save the house, which means going up against some seriously mean people in her rural Ozarks community.  Oh, and she’s 17.

Several things:  I need to learn survival skills.  Possible Zombie Apocalypse aside, I am not gonna make it if I become destitute and need to live off squirrels in the woods.  Also, I’ve started thinking about this movie when I’m about to commit a White Whine.  Sorry that your favorite T-shirt has a hole in it, AJ, but have you recently had to teach your 6 year-old sister to hunt small game so she doesn’t starve if you get killed in a meth-related incident?  Then shut up.

But seriously, on a personal note, this hit a little too close to home at times.  Not necessarily in a bad way, but perhaps enough to color my opinion of it.  I’ve known a Teardrop or two (that’s not me being maudlin; it’s the name of the character brilliantly portrayed by Hawkes).  Lawrence is also awesome.  I’m really looking forward to seeing what she does in The Hunger Games.  So I thought it was great, but that could be my childhood talking.

Unzipped:  1995 documentary about Isaac Mizrahi’s 1994 collection, directed by his then-boyfriend Douglas Keeve.  It’s basically Isaac Mizrahi talking for an hour.  We meet his mom, hear stories about his life, get insight into how he designs using a Ouija board and tips from Eartha Kitt.  Plus a tarot reading while eating dinner in Paris with Andre Leon Talley and John Galliano.  Naomi Campbell comes across as almost sweet and innocent, Kate Moss is quiet and apparently still green at this stage in her career, Cindy Crawford talks about sports, there’s a brief sighting of Carla Bruni.  And I don’t know what Linda Evangelista is like now, but in 1995 she was an obnoxious brat.  It’s cute and light and effortless to watch, if any of the description above sounds appealing to you.

Movies By Month: December 2011, part 2

Children of the Corn:  1984 Stephen King horror film directed by Fritz Kiersch and starring Peter Horton, Linda Hamilton, John Franklin, and Courtney Gains.  A group of children kill all the adults in a rural Nebraska town at the behest of a boy preacher named Isaac and a Tremors-esque static monster known as He Who Walks Behind the Rows.  Several years later a married couple accidentally runs over a boy trying to escape from the town, and soon they’re being chased by Isaac and his followers.  Holy crap this is an awful movie.  It’s so awful.  The level of terrible child acting is just staggering.  There’s an annoying voiceover throughout most of the movie, and the music is ludicrous.  It actually might have been more interesting without the supernatural monster element; Franklin as the young, evil version of Cotton Mather was creepy enough on his own.  I did enjoy Gains as Malachai, and his constant yelling of the word “OUTLANDER!”  But I liked him more in The ‘Burbs, where he says little and his acting is way more effective.  Skip this one.

Scream 4:  the fourth (and hopefully last) installment of the slasher series, directed by Wes Craven and starring the Classic Lineup plus Emma Roberts and Hayden Panettiere.  Oh, you thought it was over?  You thought that Scream 3 tied things up so neatly that no jackass would ever mess with this franchise again?  SO DID I.  Sidney Prescott is now a self-help guru on a book tour (must. control. gag reflex), and she swings by Woodsboro to relive some terrible memories and visit a cousin we never knew existed.  People start dying, everyone’s a suspect, cameos abound.  Same old shit.  A few things of note:  the opening sequence is obnoxious, everyone looks like hell except Campbell, Hayden is not as annoying as I’d expected, and they make a nice little nod to Halloween 2 at the end.  The original, not the Rob Zombie version.  Dunno if that was intentional.  It was fine.  Not ‘90s enough for me.

The Change-Up:  2011 “comedy” directed by David Dobkin and starring Ryan Reynolds, Jason Bateman, and Leslie Mann.  One dude is a family man, the other is a jobless slut, they magically swap lives, bla bla bla.  I’m not into gross humor.  I tolerated it in Bridesmaids because it was used sparingly.  But this?  This is insufferable.  Every other joke involved feces.  Watching it was like a dare.  I turned it off after 20 minutes in disgust, and find that my inexplicable crush on Ryan Reynolds is now a thing of the past.  We’ll always have Blade 3.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows:  2011 action movie directed by Guy Ritchie and starring RDJ, Jude Law, Noomi Rapace, and Jared Harris.  Have you read the books?  Because you should.  This was entertaining, much like the first.  It was fluffy and fun and I liked it.  Why not?  Harris is spectacular as Moriarty, but there’s not much chemistry between him and The Downey.  That’s my only quibble.

Burke & Hare:  2010 British black comedy directed by John Landis and starring Simon Pegg, Andy Serkis, Tim Curry, Tom Wilkinson, Jessica Hynes AND YET IT’S SO LAME.  How?  How does this happen, I implore the gods to tell me how?!?!  It’s loosely based on the Burke and Hare murders.  And I do mean "loosely."  I was expecting so much more, you guys.  Landis comes out of hiding for this bullshit?  It wasn’t funny, it wasn’t interesting, and I wanted to smack everyone involved for building my hopes up so high and then cruelly dashing them to the ground with this farce of a sham of a crappy movie.  For SHAME.

Over the Edge:  1979 directed by Jonathan Kaplan and starring Matt Dillon and some other teen actors from this era you’ve never heard of.  A group of kids in a small town go apeshit when the Rec Center gets shut down.  It defies further description, honestly.  Think Dazed & Confused, but way more violent and campy and weird.  I really liked it.

Movies By Month: December 2011, part 1

Final Destination 2:  2003 supernatural horror film directed by David R. Ellis and starring A.J. Cook, Ali Larter, and Michael Landes.   Kimberly has a premonition of her own death in a huge traffic pile up, freaks out, the crisis is averted, and now Death is hunting down the survivors of the would-be collision.  Same deal as the first.  You know, without the sweaty, crazy sincerity that Devon Sawa brought to the original, it wasn’t as interesting.  At least the premise was somewhat novel in FD1.  Now there are like five of these stupid movies.

 

Trollhunter:  2010 Norwegian fantasy “found footage” horror-ish film directed by Andre Ovredal and starring Otto Jespersen, Hans Morten Hansen, Tomas Alf Larsen, and Johanna Morck.  A group of students are trying to make a documentary about a man they think is a bear poacher, when they fall into the world of the Troll Security Service, a secret government agency protecting humans from trolls and vice-versa.  HOLY SHIT LET’S VISIT NORWAY!  I’ll be honest, I spent much of the movie distracted by the amazing landscapes.  It was really good, but I wanted the trolls to be less cartoonish.

Waiting for “Superman”:  2010 documentary directed by Davis Guggenheim.  Yep, we’re pretty much screwed.  To put it as eloquently as I know how:  the state of public education in this country sucks chode.  This is not news.  This documentary is depressing, but I think it’s necessary viewing if you give even the tiniest crap about this subject.  And no matter where you stand on teachers unions, you should really listen to their arguments about tenure.  In the words of fictional White House Deputy Communications Director Sam Seaborn:  “Education is the silver bullet.  Education is everything.  We don't need little changes.  We need gigantic revolutionary changes. . . . Competition for the best teachers should be fierce.  They should be getting six-figure salaries.  Schools should be incredibly expensive for government and absolutely free of charge for its citizens, just like national defense."  At the very least this presents some seemingly viable ideas for how we get there.

The Housemaid:  2010 South Korean thriller directed by Im Sang-soo and starring Jeon Do-yeon, Lee Jung-jae, Seo Woo, and Yoon Yeo-jeong.  Eun-yi takes a job as a nanny for a ridiculously rich couple about to have twins.  When she begins an affair with the husband, the relationship dynamics begin to shift and shit gets strange.  MAN, I love Korean movies.  They’re just so weird.  I never know what’s going to happen next, and even if it makes no damn sense for some reason I don’t mind.  I really liked it, but I would caution you that it’s bizarre and intense and the ending is totally bonkers.

Salesman:  1969 documentary directed by Albert Maysles, David Maysles, and Charlotte Zwerin.  The movie follows four door-to-door Bible salesmen, their good old fashioned 1960s racism, and invites many references to Willy Loman and Glengarry Glen Ross.  It’s depressing on a level I was unable to deal with.  I watched about 30 minutes of it before I had to bail.

Bobby Fischer Against the World:  2011 documentary directed by Liz Garbus.  Fischer is arguably the greatest chess player of the modern era, and inarguably the most notorious.  This documentary was fascinating.  It mostly revolves around his epic 1972 World Championship match with Boris Spassky that vaulted him into Cold War stardom.  DAMN chess was popular back then – ABC Sports?  Really?  It also touches on him joining a cult, becoming vehemently anti-Semitic in his later years despite his Jewish heritage, and all the crazy he was spouting after 9/11.  The interviews are awesome (Kissinger, anyone?).  The music was a little stereotypical (I swear, if I hear “Spirit in the Sky” on ONE MORE movie soundtrack I will lose my shit), but perhaps that’s a bit nitpicky.  Definitely worth seeing.

Movies By Month: November 2011

Paranormal Activity 3:  2011 horror film directed by Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman and starring Chloe Csengery, Jessica Tyler Brown, Lauren Bittner, and Christopher Nicholas Smith.   It’s similar to the first, and I’m assuming also to the second.  Are there ghosts?  Let’s set up some night vision cameras and find out!  The twist with this one is the little girl with an imaginary friend.  As a former little girl with an imaginary friend, it freaked me out on that level.  But aside from a few jumps and some surprisingly good acting on the part of Csengery, it was kind of forgettable.  Decent, but not great.

Attack the Block:  2011 British sci fi thriller directed by Joe Cornish and starring Jodie Whittaker and John Boyega.  Sam (Whittaker) is returning to her apartment complex after work when she’s mugged by a group of teenage boys.  In the middle of the attack, a strange object plummets from the sky, giving Sam time to escape.  Moses (Boyega), the leader of the gang, goes to investigate and is himself attacked by a strange creature.  They manage to kill it, but other larger creatures are soon on their tail.  Since it turns out they live in the same complex as Sam, she’s soon dragged into the fight and must work with her former muggers if they’re going to survive the alien invasion.

          It’s funny and exciting and scary and interesting and I loved it and you should see it.  The acting is pretty fair, the aliens are realistic enough to be scary but not gross or ridiculous, the pacing is excellent, and there’s a cameo by Nick Frost!  Seriously, SEE IT.

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea:  1954 Disney adventure movie directed by Richard Fleischer and starring Kirk Douglas, James Mason, Peter Lorre, and Paul Lukas.  It’s based on the Jules Verne novel, you know the drill:  some dudes are on a mission to find a giant sea monster when their ship is destroyed, they’re rescued by Captain Nemo who turns out to be master of the submarine that’s being mistaken for said sea monster.  Because he’s sinking ships.  Because he’s totally nuts.

          Douglas is great.  He’s at the height of his vigorousness, he gets drunk with the ship’s pet seal and plays a ukulele made out of a sea turtle.  Just delightful.  And Mason brings his freakish seriousness to the role, which gives it a little more heft than your average Disney movie.  As a child I was hugely into live-action Disney movies of this era, both musical and non-musical, and this one definitely holds up to viewing as an adult.  Assuming you share the same proclivity.

Rocket Science:  2007 dramedy directed by Jeffrey Blitz and starring Reece Thompson, Anna Kendrick, Nicholas D’Agosto, Vincent Piazza, and Aaron Yoo.  Hal Hefner is a sweet kid with a stutter, an unbalanced klepto older brother, and a crush on Ginny, his high school’s rock star debater.  Under the tutelage of Ginny he ends up learning about the awkwardness of crushes and first kisses and emotional revenge.  Oh, high school.  I found the music almost oppressively indie twee (thanks a lot, Clem Snide), and the narration a little much at times.  But Kendrick’s Six-of-Blossom-like speech pattern was adorable, and Piazza is f-ing brilliant as Hal’s older brother.  Overall it’s an OK movie with a few perfect scenes.  And it made me want to be 15 again just long enough to awkwardly and frantically run down a high school hallway.

Breaking Dawn, Part 1:  2011 young adult vampire drama, you already know all this.  I have no excuse.  I would just like to point out that we all have our guilty pleasures, and this is my most shameful.  They’re totally ridiculous movies with little redeeming value and I enjoy them immensely.  Deal with it.

Season of the Witch:  2011 supernatural action movie directed by Dominic Sena and starring Nicolas Cage, Ron Perlman, and Claire Foy.  Yet another Black Plague-era witchy movie.  Cage and Perlman are knights escorting a prisoner of the church to some monks so they can perform a ritual that will supposedly end the plague.  But is the girl a witch or a scapegoat? 

          I was feeling ambivalent about everything else in my Instant queue, so I thought what the hell.  Why not.  It was surprisingly not totally awful.  I mean, it certainly wasn’t good, and you should keep in mind that I enjoy ridiculous action movies.  I will say that Black Death is better, but that shouldn’t surprise you.  Who do you want to see as a medieval knight fighting the forces of darkness:  Sean Bean or Nic Cage’s terrible hair?  

Badlands:  1973 crime drama directed by Terrence Malick and starring Martin Sheen and Sissy Spacek.  Loosely based on the real-life spree killers Charles Starkweather and Caril Ann Fugate, the film follows teen couple and mass murderers Holly and Kit as they traipse around South Dakota messing people up.  Think Swiss Family Robinson meets Bonnie and Clyde: building tree forts and laying snares and killing the law.  It was visually beautiful, the music was appropriately weird, and the acting seemed to lack . . . pizazz?  I guess?  But perhaps that’s because they’re supposed to be misanthropic teens?  Dunno.  It was fine.  Fun fact for West Wing fans: Kit puts his jacket on the same way Josiah Bartlett does.