If you like Pretty in Pink, try Some Kind of Wonderful.

To my five faithful readers:  I’m really trying to get an entry in every week now.  I am.  So in an effort to expand beyond the Mini Reviews I’ll be trying a few new things, including “If you like this, try that.”  Warning:  this post will contain spoilers for Pretty in Pink and Casablanca, two movies I should not have to provide spoiler warnings for because you should have seen them already.  The fuck is wrong with you.

People who love Pretty in Pink seem to fall into two categories:  those who love it unconditionally, and those who love it in spite of the ending.  I would be in the latter group, and I’ll even go so far as to say that people who wanted Andie to end up with Blane are assholes.  There.  One could make the argument that PiP has a very Casablanca ending:  Duckie (Rick) pushes Andie (Ilsa) back into the arms of Blane (Laszlo) because it’s what she really wants and what’s best for everyone.  Dogshit.  PiP is a 1980s John Hughes teen dramedy, not a serious 1940s noir.  I want my happy ending, dammit.

Thankfully, I have Some Kind of Wonderful.  Released only one year after Pretty in Pink, at the time it was regarded by most as a slapdash remake.  And it totally is.  But – and here’s where I kind of spoil the surprise - with the ending I yearned for.  The plot for both goes like this:  attractive teen misfit from the wrong side of the tracks falls for a popular yuppie, they try to make a relationship work despite the disapproval of the yuppie’s snobby friends, the misfit’s bestie carries a torch for them and tries to persuade them that the yuppie is no good, relationship derails – and from there the plots diverge.  So give SKoW a shot, you’ll probably like it.

My totally perfect version of the movie would of course combine my favorite characters from each – so who would win the side-by-side character face off?

                                                 Keith vs. Andie

They’re both hot gingers, sure.  But while Keith has that scruffy blue collar gearhead thing with his piercing blue eyes that are so piercing you don’t even notice his butt-chin, Andie totally takes the first round.  She’s gorgeous, self-possessed, wicked smart, and even though she pulls the occasional Teenage Girl Shenanigan and creates the most hideous prom dress this side of Laura Ashley, she’s more likeable than Keith – who’s more dreamy, oblivious, and goofy.

Watts vs. Duckie

It’s a tie, my friends.  While I realize this may seem blasphemous to diehard PiP fans, I ask you to hear me out.  Duckie is the embodiment of style meeting silliness, he’s a giant heart and you feel every slight and rejection right along with him.  But Watts wears amazing fringed gloves.  She’s a 
drummer.  She has a kicky tomboy haircut and a dye job I wish I was brave enough to pull off even though it would look terrible on me, who am I kidding.  Instead of openly pining like Duckie, she patiently bides her time, and when she does confront Keith it’s more heartfelt and honest and direct than “That’s a major appliance, that’s not a name.”  She tries harder to hide her jealousy – though like Duckie she also tries the I’m-with-someone-else-now psych out.  But what puts Watts over the top is when she takes that proverbial bull by his redheaded horns and teaches him how to properly kiss a girl.  You know.  For “practice.”

Amanda vs. Blane

Who cares.  Honestly.  Does anyone watch Pretty in Pink for BLANE?!  They’re both a little vapid but stand up to the Cool Kids and do the right thing in the end, whatever.  Both only exist to serve the needs of and provide drama for the main character.  That’s it.

Hardy vs. Steff

It’s so not even close on this one.  Hardy is brutish and boorish and stupid and way too easy to hate.  Oh, but Steff.  Steff Steff Steff.  Sure, you hate him.  But you also want him or want to be him, just a little bit.  He’s more complicated than Hardy, clearly has some self-loathing going on, and practically secretes sex appeal as he contrives to keep Andie and Blane apart.

Duncan vs. Iona

Duncan really gives it a good try as the surly punk with a heart of gold, but Iona simply cannot be bested.  Her costume changes alone put her on another level.  Even when she eschews her roots and starts dating a guy named Terrence and wearing blazers, you can’t help but love her even more.  Duncan is great, but a bit one-dimensional.

So my Frankenstein’s monster version of the movie mash-up would go like thus:  the plot of Pretty in Pink with the ending of Some Kind of Wonderful and Andie, Watts – it’s 2013, let’s have some LGBT representation! – Blamanda, Steff, and Iona.  BLAMMO.  Are you there, John Hughes?  It’s me, AJ.  Let’s do this shit.